Christmas has come and gone, and now to New Years, for most people that involves reflections and resolutions, I am no different. This has been a year of great personal, emotional, spiritual, physical, and natural growth for me. One of my general parameters in life is to seek change, never do the same things over and over again, and in short be to “busy being born” to worry about dying. I don’t think I would recognize the person who owned my name New Years 2009.
What has contributed to this great leap of progression and evolution? Several factors are involved and are intertwined with my emotional success:
1. The People - People I have met, people I will meet, and people I have known will always be my primary inspiration. People motivate me, people encourage me, people provide great opportunity, people also disgust me, discourage me, and hurt me. Both sides of the human condition inspire positive and negative emotions that I use to make me more confident and emotionally stronger. I feel like I am capable of anything, I also feel impervious to emotional pain. If your reading this, your probably have contributed to my life in some way, thank you for being a person in my life, no matter what kind of person you have been in it.
2. The love - I won’t get into details or sad stories, I will say this…. It was nice to really feel this again, both the overwhelming bliss and total agony that is attached with it. It happened for me on several different levels that went beyond a specific person, time, place or idea. It has just been great to really care about certain people and ideas again, and for them to care about me
3. The Music - I hope you see an order shaping up while reading this(1 affects, 2 that affects 3 etc.) There would be no music without love, there would be no love if there were no people to love or people creating ideas to love. I have written about it before, but for the first time in my life, I am making music I am proud of, and for the first time I am playing with musicians that are really talented, really motivated, and really real…. if you are one of those musicians I have the privilege to work with….. thank you
4. The Art - Again, this could not exist without the other 3, I am thrilled with the progression I made as an artist in 2009, and I am excited about what I may learn in 2010, I am excited that I have taken an interest in so many different forms and media, and I look forward to taking an interest in so much more. I have never been in love with anyone or anything like I am in love with art and the making of it. The process has evolved into a serious emotional journey where I explore myself and my capabilities of being a human being in the 21st century.
These 4 facets of my life and become the center of who I am, I cannot exist without them.
I know I have already written a lot here but I can’t write a new years post without resolutions:
1. Proxart becomes a job - This is a specific idea I am in love with, a company who puts on events, blogs and writes about art/music/culture/film. As much as I desire showcasing my art and music, I have had since a young lad, have had a secret desire to work behind the scenes in areas such as these, as I have always loved being part of the process. In short, to say this is a dream job that is close to coming true is an understatement.
2. One(or more) of my bands tours - Again its about the experience and process or journey of doing something like this. Nothing lavish, I just want to hop into a van with my band mates and just go play places and see the world.
3. I have 2-3 gallery shows - It’s not about selling my work(although that would be swell) it’s about showcasing my emotion and expression, my artwork. I, like most artists, want my art to be seen.
I have been behind a drum kit 7 out of the last 10 days…. as tiring as that it is, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
But now the tough part…. recording. 2 bands, 2 weeks, and probably dozens of takes ahead. In my opinion recording tests the true character of a band, you are never tested more. Good thing I play with a bunch of people who know what they are doing…. and the rewards are worth the effort: 2 EP’s and 3-4 shows in January.
I have been playing drums since I was 12 years old. Over the years I have played with my friends, bands that didn’t go anywhere, or bands that went somewhere but not fast enough for my impatient(and sometimes ill advised) attitude.
Now I am involved in 3 musical projects(1 project with me on keyboard!), all 3 with seemingly limitless potential, all 3 feature talented musicians who I consider good friends. As you can imagine, 3 projects means that I practically devote every minute of free time to making music….. and naturally I wouldn’t have it any other way.
But these will be the last bands/projects I will be involved in and they will lead me to whatever end I have in making music. Making music has become that girlfriend you give one last chance to before dumping her for good…. but instead of 1 I am giving her 3 in these bands.
So who knows where music takes me in my late 20’s….. but at least I’m enjoying the ride
After watching Empire Records and High Fidelity on the same day, I have come to the conclusion that I would totally be content working at Amoeba or another record store or something the rest of my life. I don’t know if these “lofty” aspirations make the best career goals but:
I love music, I love talking about music, I love being a snob when talking about music. It just seems to make sense. I love that Proxart has started to review/talk about music more, its pretty natural for all of us at Proxart to do.
As a basketball coach and player(sometimes), I still adhere to my typical male instinct by watching traditional American sports, basketball, football etc. on the television…..
Easily the worst part about this is the capitalism that is trying to be forced into my brains via mindless holiday commercials. The pretentious attitude of car commercials and the shallow depictions of women in jewelery commercials are particularly revolting…..
A car sale is not “a holiday event”
Every kiss does not begin with Kay
I have not and never will go to Jared
My cars are not and will not be the most awesome part of my neighborhoods holiday lights.
Furthermore these advertising disasters feature the worst in acting presentation, cheesy one liners and just general corniness at truly unforeseen levels…. I’m not expecting a beautiful movie here but: “It’s okay I’m here…. and I always will be”?
Seriously gag me
I’m sure you get the point, as stated in previous posts, this country has just been bathed in the greed of capitalism and materialism. These commercials(well most commercials) celebrate and glorify American stupidity and shallow behavior.
So if you want a Lexus and a charm bracelet from Jared’s…… don’t ask me for it
I think that, sometimes, knowing what you’re good at makes it a lot harder to be authentically good at whatever “it” is.
Pride becomes reality.
_________________________________________________________________________________________ I think my good friend and Proxart director Nate Ryan makes a great point that relates with the Sam Feinstein video I posted earlier….
I think its easy to find a niche or a comfort zone and stay there…
Many of my meetings with Proxart take place at one of the big coffee chains in this plastic town for a few reasons:
1. Almost no choice(Railorad Cafe in Newhall gives me hope)
2. I like to work and write away from home
3. Free wifi(If all my social networking stuff didn’t tell you this already….. I am an internet whore)
So as a result of my meetings and being away from home, I’ll start doing a little pondering that naturally will start turning into a little written commentary:
After watching Jersey Shore for 2 minutes I have officially given up on American culture. The sleaze, materialism, scum, and trash of the “real america” has yes made me a bit unpatriotic and somewhat of an ex patriot(at least in my idealized romantic mind).
Seriously I thought if I watched for another 30 seconds I would pick up an STD and a sudden urge to buy a tight glitter shirt and a lexus. If people wonder why our country is bankrupt on so many levels just turn on mtv or Bravo…. the answers are there.
I am not a bitter, jealous, jaded, unwilling bachelor(at least not entirely) therefore my comments or merely an observation of my surroundings regarding romantic companionship.
The modern day, instant gratification, status oriented, money/materialistic society that we live in seems to have affected contemporary relationships in a severe negative way. Not to say that real love and companionship doesn’t exist, its just being drowned out by the droves of society.
Now more than ever it seems that a “hubby”, “wifey”, “my man”, “my woman” etc. are more objects to be worshiped, shown off, or featured in a facebook post. This leads to a pet peeve that has grown with the contemporary societal mood:
Introducing significant others as just a status symbol(girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband). Of course it become immediately acceptable if his/her name is used immediately after status symbol is used. Ex: “I want you to meet my girlfriend(insert name)”…. make sure you insert the name, and if I have met him/her and I now know him/her use their name as reference not their symbol of your romantic status.
This rant has not really been created by a specific incident rather a general observation of couples and the desire for a favorable status in the eyes of society(or social networking).
In my opinion a good relationship is about honouring your significant other, not worshiping them and showing them off in public. Because if you really are in love or you really like someone…. who is it all really about you or the person your dating?
I wish everyone(and their significant others) happy holidays and beautiful passionate romance….. just remember put a name on that romance not a status symbol.
I am done with my abstract work for 2009. I am usually out of supplies and out of positive emotional energy around November/December and this year is no different. My body of work featured dramatic aesthetic changes….. In 2010 I plan on focusing on combining what worked best in 2008 with what worked best in 2009 to make my work more focused and methodical than ever before.
In the meantime I plan to continue to do figure and illustration work as I prepare for the spring semester. I also plan to be more aggressive and proactive at selling/showing my work which includes possibly hiring a PR or “artists agent”. I will also be seeking gallery representation in 2010. Lastly I will be pursuing music with 3 different bands in a last ditch effort to make some good music with good people.
Thanks for your interest in me as a friend and artist and I hope you have taken interest in my work and will continue to or start doing so in the future. As always you can find me on facebook, my blog at zacharyhillart.wordpress, twitter, and now tumblr.